Sunday, September 19, 2010

"Mine!"

I never really thought of myself as an exceptionally selfish person.  Especially when it comes to my kids.  I feel like I have sacrificed and share a lot, as we all do as moms.  Big things, like time with my husband, sleeping in past 6am, and my figure.   I have even given up chocolate for MONTHS at a time while I breastfed all 3 children.  I have sacrificed in small ways, too.  I have given up trying to have a phone conversation while my kids are awake, watching daytime tv, and privacy in the bathroom. I feel like I give and I give and I give.  I believed there was no limit to what I was willing to sacrifice for my dear children.

But this week I found something that I was surprisingly unwilling to share.  BEARY MASON.  He is MY teddy bear that my dad gave to me when he and my mom got married.  He had been my dad's bear as a little boy.   Beary was my companion every night from age 12 until I married my sweet hubby at age 21.  I decided then that perhaps Chad would rather me snuggle up to him.  So Beary has slept on our guest bed with two of my other special dolls (which were both handmade by beloved relatives) the past 13 years.  Andrew and Ryan have never paid any attention to my bear or my dolls.  I don't think either of them have ever noticed them.  However this week I carried Molly downstairs to the basement to get a paper off the printer and she started screaming and reaching.  I truly couldn't imagine what it was she wanted.  I carried her across the room. Molly pushed herself out of my arms and grabbed MY BEAR!!!!!  You would think as a loving mother, I would have felt awe and enjoyed this sweet full circle moment.  But no, not selfish me.  I tried to bribe her with other toys in an attempt to get her to unhand my bear.  It didn't work.  She carried my bear everywhere the rest of the afternoon.  She snuggled him close and even took a nap with him.  I tried to take her out of her crib and leave my bear there, but she wasn't falling for it.  She held on to him tight.  She climbed up and down the stairs holding on to him.  I think she sensed that the moment she put him down, he would disappear.  Dinner time came, and she finally let him go, but she kept her eyes on him the entire time she ate.

I was so surprised at how possessive I felt about MY toy.  I really felt like a little girl, I wanted to yell. "No. He's MINE!"  I can't believe how unwilling I was to share, with my only daughter, a toy given to me by my dad.  I know you are wondering where Beary is now.  He has a sizable hole in him that stuffing is falling out of, and since I am such a "loving" mom, I would hate for Molly to choke on it. So I have him up high, in a place she can't reach, so I can sew him up.   At least that is how I am justifying the fact that she has not seen him for a few days.  It is true.  He does have a hole, a hole that has been there since high school.  And of course,  I really don't want her to choke on cotton balls.  But it is also true that I am not rushing to get the job done either.  I have a lot of growing up to do still!

3 comments:

Rebekah said...

I have a winnie the pooh stuffed bear that I feel the exact same way about. He's MINE and none of my kids are allowed to play much less even touch him. They have enough of their own toys! ;) My excuse is that he's so old and falling apart.

Elyse and Steve said...

I laughed so hard reading this. It actually made me miss my care bear. I'm actually wondering what happened to that. Isn't it funny how we get attached to things like that.

Greg and louise said...

I loved this true story and it is ok that he is YOUR bear and remains that way. She is much too young to appreciate beary the way you do.